I would like to address the issue of reconciling one's "wants & needs with one's desire to please".

Many subs (or "gonnabe subs") run into "trouble" (of the emotional sort) when they fail to distinguish these. Identifying "wants and needs" vs. "desire to please" is highly important for the "smooth sailing" of D/s.

Once the sub has identified her "wants and needs" - she can prioritize them and give them "value" comparitive to her "desire to please".

Perhaps asking herself - "which want or need am I willing to end in order to please my Master?"....... or, "how much will I compromise my wants/needs in order to please my Master?"......... or, "is my desire to please at a higher place on my priority list than my wants/needs?"........ or, "are my wants/needs TRULY 'essential' - or are they founded in the destructive brand of selfishness?" ........ etc. etc. - the questions of this nature can be endless indeed.

Bottom line (no pun) is for the sub to assess just what are her "wants/needs" and where does she place them in importance in her life? The same, of course, goes for her "desire to please".

I recommend - when advising those who ask my opinion - for the sub to do all the above, then begin to gleene (sp) through her list of wants/needs and set aside all which she absolutely can possibly set aside.... leaving only the barest, most ESSENTIAL wants/needs without which she could not (in her personal opinion) survive in a healthy manner.

Note : Each person will have different "wants/needs" which they consider ESSENTIAL. And, of course, each person will probably consider THEIR list to be applicable to all other members of the human race. I prefer to leave that decision up to the individual.

Once the sub has gotten her list down to it's ESSENTIAL essence - she can then begin to surrender all else to her Master. (This is based upon all else being in place - "trust, respect, love ... etc.")

Indeed - even her list of ESSENTIALs she can eventually entrust to her Master - once He's proven that He holds her ESSENTIALs just as sacred as, if not more so than (if that was possible), she herself holds them.

All I've said here has been addressing (what I feel to be) what the sub should do - I've not addressed what the Dom should do. And while that's a whole other topic - I'll say this much as it applies to the above - the Dom should take each aspect of the sub upon Himself slowly, gradually, one at a time. This is best for both the Dom and the sub alike - giving each time to absorb and digest the exchange. Particularly for the Dom to have time to adjust to taking on the newly earned resonsibilities she's surrendered to him. All the while, He should guard her list of "essentials" carefully, being SURE to not "go there".

Contributed By BullWhip38@aol.com