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These are some characteristics *I* like to see in
my submissive, and try my best to give when I submit. YMMV...
1. Honesty. This is very important to me. Without
honesty, there can be no trust. Without trust D/s is nothing. On a
safety note, be truthful in your desires, experience, fears and
limits. I have seen many submissives tell "little" lies thinking
it will make them more desirable. It usually ends up getting them
hurt. If you have questions about what your Dom/me desires or
expects, be honest and speak up. There is nothing wrong with
asking questions respectfully, and is much preferable to looking
ignorant. Remember, all Dom/mes are different. Don't assume
because one wants you to wear stockings that another will enjoy
them. Ask what he expects you to wear, how he expects you to act,
what he prefers to be called, etc.
2. Submissiveness. While I enjoy the occasional
SAM, I prefer my subs to submit. I want them to surrender their
will to me. I like them to be polite, compliant, and to show me
the respect I have earned. There is nothing that turns me off
faster than a submissive trying to top from the bottom, or
manipulate the scene. A polite, respectful "Mistress, if it
pleases you, I would enjoy being spanked." is going to make that
happen much sooner than intentional misbehavior.
3. Intelligence. Make intelligent choices about
who you submit to, and how deep your submission goes. If it is a
relationship situation, get to know the person as a friend before
you consider submitting. If it is scene-play, get references and
follow safety rules, watch them Top others, or play in the
presence of people who can watch out for you. Out of role,
intelligence goes a long way. Think, and share those thoughts with
your Dom/me. Take time to find out what he is interested in, and
get to know more on the subject. Keep up on current events and
trends and be able to discuss them. Perhaps take up some of the
same hobbies as your Dom/me. These are good relationship
skills...be it vanilla or D/s.
4. Service. Find out what makes your Dom/me happy,
and do your best to provide. It is your job to make your Dominant
happy. If you will be serving him food, find out what he likes to
eat, and how he likes it served. Find out what his turn-on and
turn-offs are. If it is your responsibility to set things up for
the scene, find out what he requires, and have everything handy.
Don't be sloppy in your service, and don't make your Top have to
tell you a preference more than once. If I have to tell a sub two
times that I like my coffee with cream and sugar, it gives me the
impression that she is not thinking, or just doesn't care. This is
not at all pleasing. Put some thought and creativity into your
service. Listen when he tells you his fantasies and dreams, and
try to fulfill his desires. Be observant. If you have the chance,
study his surroundings for clues on the type of things he enjoys.
Does he have candles sitting out? Make sure you have some at your
place, too. What kind of toiletries does he use? Buy them and have
them ready for him when he visits. What does he like to drink?
Make sure you keep it on hand.
5. Communication. Contrary to what some believe,
Dominants are not psychics. It is frustrating to have to try and
figure out everything that pushes your sub's buttons. I would much
rather have my sub tell me her fantasies so I can store the info
to use when I choose, than have to guess. I don't like to play
with subs that constantly say "Whatever pleases you, Mistress".
If she is not enjoying it, chances are I won't be enjoying it,
either. Admittedly, I am an occasionally narcissistic, and enjoy
only what I want, but not 100% of the time.
6. Patience. I have often been told that patience
is the mark of a good submissive. I have also been told that this
is something I need to work on. I guess I will have to get back to
you on this one. I do know that the best things are worth waiting
for, and pushy, demanding submissives are really not submissives
at all.
Author Unknown
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