Impediments To Intimacy
One major impediment
to intimacy between men and women is the speed with
which many men become aroused and reach orgasm as
opposed to the slower, more leisurely lovemaking women
need if they are to have a similar experience. The
true lover however will take the time to allow a woman
to reach her full sexual pleasure potential. G- spot
aware men benefit from the excitement of truly giving
emotional as well as maximum physical intimate
pleasure to a women.
Few Women Know Their
Own Sexual Response
I've had very
interesting discussions with retired sex surrogate,
Dr. Jerry DeHaan, who did much of the original
research for Beverly Whipple's classic 1982 book "The
G Spot". Dr. DeHaan shares many experiences as a
licensed sex surrogate about inorgasmic women
experiencing their first orgasm via his G spot
stimulation. DeHaan also shares experiences of women
coming to him for counseling (only through a referral
from other licensed therapists) who had experienced
their G spot or ejaculation but were terrified not
knowing that it was a normal part of female sexuality.
Jerry DeHaan as a
surrogate took women on a wonderful journey of
self-discovery. Women learned about their bodies, the
male body and shed ingrained embarrassment and
concealment of their physical selves and came instead
to find comfort in their natural sexuality. We need
more education on meaningful, loving, intimate
sexuality in our society rather than our immature
tease and titillation. Many women seek much more than
just brief thrusting sex. We believe men, through
education and open honest discussion, can be empowered
to be much more powerful lovers. Caring men would also
find the excitement of giving pleasure just as
fulfilling as a fast male orgasm.
G- Spot History
Ancient cultures
accepted what we've only recently "found". As early as
the 4th century B.C., writings have been found that
speak of the distinction between a woman's "red and
white fluid". Even American Indian folklore mentions
the "mixing of male and female fluids" from a female
during sex.
In the 20th century,
however, Western culture moved toward the belief that
women were incapable of such intense orgasm, except by
clitoral manipulation. This was reinforced by Masters
& Johnson whose research claimed that a woman's
clitoris was the only source of female pleasure, even
though many women have found that to be far from the
truth.
This misguided
notion of a woman's sexual potential persisted until
1950 when an article by a Berlin gynecologist Ernst
Grafenberg discussed the G-spot area. In his original
work he reported that some women had a spot on the
inside of the front wall of the vagina which, when
firmly stimulated produced intense orgasms and in some
women ejaculation of something thicker and slicker
than urine during the strongest contractions of their
orgasms.
No further serious
research was done until Perry and Whipple's 1978
documentation and extensive study which confirmed the
article of Dr. Grafenberg. Most sexologist now believe
every woman has a G-spot but it may simply be
unresponsive from lack of stimulation. It can be made
to learn to be responsive, however, by proper
stimulation.
Location Of G-spot
The G-spot lies
directly behind the pubic bone within the front wall
of the vagina. It is usually located about half way
between the back of the public bone and the front of
the cervix, along the course of the urethra and near
the neck of the bladder, where it connects with the
urethra. The size and exact location vary. Imagine a
small clock inside the vagina with 12 o'clock pointed
towards the navel. The majority of women will have the
G-spot located between 11 and 1 o'clock a few inches
inside the vagina. Unlike the clitoris, which
protrudes from the surrounding tissue, it lies deep
within the vaginal wall, and a firm pressure is often
needed to contact the G spot in its unstimulated
state. Usually it is a lima- bean sized, spongy area
which responds to stimulation by hardening and
swelling as blood rushes to it.
Two Types Of Orgasm
It is now known
women can experience two kinds of orgasm. But they are
not clitoral vs. vaginal as some have reported.
1.The most common (some
times called clitoral) also involves the vagina since
the clitoral stimulation also produces contractions of
the pubococcygeal (PC) muscle supporting the pelvic
floor which is where "vaginal" contractions are felt.
2. G-spot and Uterine.
G-spot stimulation results in orgasmic contractions
around the uterus, which is several inches above the
pelvic floor.
Later research has
shown that women who can orgasm both ways have even
deeper, more powerful blended orgasm, resulting from
contractions in both areas at once.
Tools To Find Your
G-Spot
A man who knows
where to go with his fingers. A G-spot vibrator with a
curve to best reach the G-spot. Sybian machine which
can provide the maximum stimulation often required to
awaken the G-Spot. Or your own fingers can reach it.
Techniques For
Stimulating G-Spot
Lie back with your
knees pressed up to your chest. In this position, your
vaginal depth will shorten and even small fingers
should be able to reach the G-spot. With a partner,
lie on your side with one leg drawn up to your chest
as your partner enters you from the rear. He should be
able to hit the spot.
Female Ejaculation
While all women have
a G-spot, it has been estimated between 10% and 40% of
women are capable of ejaculation. The G-spot need not
be stimulated for ejaculation to occur, but most women
say that their first ejaculation experience came from
massaging their G-spot. The response varies from a
light sprinkle to a huge gush. I have experienced
women who gushed huge amounts of fluid 10 feet out.
Researches have
found that although many women feel a slight need to
urinate right before ejaculation, the fluid is
definitely not urine. Nor does it come from the
Bartholin gland which produces a milky, odorless
secretion that helps lubricate the vagina when
sexually aroused. Scientists believe that it comes
from tiny openings on either side of the periurethral
glands and is similar to man's prostate fluid.
Male and Female Sex
Organs Have Common Origin
An anatomy lesson
may help understand why ejaculation is not as far
fetched as it may seem. There really is not that much
difference between male and female sex organs. They
both develop from the same tissue. If we get certain
chemicals during gestation, either male or female
organs develop.
Have you ever
wondered what that line was on the back side of a
penis? Or, have you ever looked? If you were a female
it would be the opening in the vulva. Likewise the
very sensitive spot on the back of a mans penis, where
the foreskin attaches, would be the clitoris if
female.
Sexual development
in the womb it is not always perfect. The most extreme
problem is those whose gender does not match their sex
organs (transsexuals). Since male and female are so
similar, surgery can reassign one's sex to match
gender. Yes, it is done all the time, both male to
female and less frequently female to male.
The same but much
less dramatic natural event seems to occur in some
women in which they develop small prostate like glands
that are capable or producing ejaculation. Lab tests
show the female ejac is very similar in composition to
the prostate fluid within the male ejac (semen which
comes from prostate mixed with sperm etc), but without
the sperm in a female.
Liberated Christians
Update on Female
Ejaculation
In our Special
Report on the G-spot we discussed female ejaculation.
The report stimulated many questions. Here is
additional information not included in the original
report.
The myths that
female ejaculation is the result of poor bladder
control, or excess secretion which sweats from the
vaginal walls and pools in the back of the vagina to
squirt out during the strong muscle contractions of
orgasm, have been proven wrong. For decades many women
felt it dreadfully abnormal and tried to hide or avoid
it. Physicians in their ignorance tried to cure it. By
questioning many women, researchers have established
that about one woman in five ejaculates (through her
urethra rather than her vagina), some of the time but
not always. The stimulation of the G-spot produces
both her ejaculation and her deep uterine
contractions.
Besides the famous
study of Whipple and Perry of Dr. Ernest Grafenberg's
1950 article about the spot, in Nova Scotia researcher
Ed Belzer explored the chemical composition of female
ejaculate. In Florida Helen Robinson and Sharon
Pietranton worked with groups of ejaculating women. At
first American gynecologists, routinely trained not to
sexually stimulate their patients, were astonished
that Dr. Grafenberg was on such sensual terms with
his. Generations of gynecologists have tied to cope
with "hypersecretors" blaming it on poor bladder
control.
Finally we now know
that the difference between women who squirt and those
that don't is in the number and size of their
pariurethral glands. They are analogous to the
hundreds of tiny glands that constitute the male's
prostate gland and are responsible for 15 to 50% of
the fluid a man ejaculates.
It is common for
writers of porn films and erotic books to make it
appear that male ejaculations "shoot" or "spurt". But
Kinsey's observations of hundreds of male ejaculators
showed that in about 75% of men the semen merely
exudes from the meatus or is propelled with so little
force that the liquid is not carried more than a very
small distance beyond the tip of the penis. In short,
most males ooze rather than shoot. Their semen doesn't
spurt, it dribbles out.
Similarly, if a
woman expels fluid other than urine from her urethra,
she shouldn't have to make it squirt for it to qualify
as ejaculation. The fact that many women don't notice
it since its not a powerful squirt contributes to the
underreporting of female ejaculation. Other women,
including one of my (Dave's) partners, very strongly
squirt large amounts of fluid while having powerful
G-spot orgasms.
Helen Robinson
reported that one of her research subjects was highly
orgasmic and continued to ejaculate copiously with
each orgasm and would ejaculate a quart of fluid in
one session. A teaspoon of fluid is the more common
amount, but a cupful is not uncommon.
At Dalhousie
University professor Ed Belzer found varying
concentrations of acid phosphatase in the women's
ejaculate. This chemical had previously been thought
to be produced only by males, and in some courtrooms
was accepted as evidence to support a rape charge.
Belzer's discovery proved that it wasn't urine and
also pointed out the existence of a genuine female
prostate-like gland.
Not only are the
fluids they produce chemically similar, the female
prostate acts like the male prostate: when
rhythmically prodded, it swells up and then discharges
fluid through the urethra. To reach a male's prostate
gland, you have to reach in through his anus. In the
female, you reach in - at virtually the same angle -
through her vagina.
Beverly Whipple,
coauthor of The G-Spot , says there are two reasons
the "spot" was overlooked by so many physicians:
"First, because it's on the anterior (front) wall of
the vagina, which is an area that's not palpated, and
second, when it is palpated you get a sexual response
and doctors are trained not to stimulate their
patients sexually. But the gynecologists who palpated
it with our direction all found it and said 'My
goodness! It's there! You're right!' "
Every physician who
examined the area not only found it, Whipple claims,
but reported back to the researchers that they
subsequently found it in every woman they examined!
"Women's response to
direct stimulation of the G-spot is identical to the
response of males when their prostate is stimulated,"
Perry and Whipple observed. The first few seconds of
stimulation produces a strong feeling that they have
to urinate. This feeling lasts for two to ten seconds,
maybe longer, before changing to a distinctly sexual
enjoyment. Whipple felt that most women when faced
with this sensation hold back their sexual response to
keep from wetting on their partners. Perry theorized
that this may explain why up to 25% of American
females never have orgasms - they've learned early
that to avoid the embarrassment of urinating during
sex, they have to hold back.
G-spot Hints
To Find The G-spot
responds to pressure rather than to touch. Gently
stroking is not likely to get any results. It's more
like massaging a pea under a mattress - one has to
compress the flesh to find it.
Insert fingers and
bend them gently up, around and behind the pubic bone.
Beyond the rather rough-surfaced tissue immediately
behind her pubic bone, your fingertips will encounter
a very soft, smooth area. Go very slowly and let her
tell you what she feels as you explore the smooth
area, which will feel to you like the inside of a very
slippery mitten. When you straighten your fingers and
reach further inside, you'll encounter a hard, rubbery
structure that feels like an erect nipple pointing
south. This is her cervix. The G-spot is somewhere
just his side of the cervix, about an inch beyond the
mitten, in the flesh immediately in front of the
vagina.
Imagine you're
holding a tennis ball on those two of three inserted
fingers. An area about the size of a grape in the
center of the tennis ball is what you're trying to
reach. It can be anywhere along that two-or-three inch
long area between the pubic bone and the cervix.
Explore slowly, allowing for feedback front he woman -
let her guide your fingers with her words if she can
feel the stimulation. The G-spot responds to pressure
rather than to touch. Gentle stroking is not likely to
find it. It's more like massaging a pea under a
mattress - one has to compress the flesh to find it.
When you reach in
from the front with the woman on her back, the heel of
your hand is over her clitoris while your fingers hook
around her pubic bone. Pull upwards, as if you're
trying to lift her off the bed. Do this with the same
sort of rhythm you'd use fucking, and keep your
fingers hooked, so they press deep into the tissue.
Once you know where it is you can try using your penis
on it, but for good G-spot orgasm, she may prefer your
hand. In face-to-face intercourse, the penis may not
stimulate the spot enough to do any good, although
some positions, such as the one where the women draws
her knees close to her chest, may increase the changes
for a G-spot orgasm.
From the Mail:
Here is a letter we
received regarding our G-spot report. "Your article
was helpful and interesting. I am one of the women who
does ejaculate upon orgasm....when I first discovered
this, I thought I had a bladder problem. My ob-gyn
assured me that it was not my bladder but ejaculatory
fluid. When I discovered my G spot, it opened a whole
new world for me sexually, and my sexuality took on a
whole new meaning.... Again, thank you for your
information."
Another:
"We've enjoyed
receiving and reading the newsletters tremendously
this summer. The bits about a gal's "G" spot have been
absolutely fantastic. We've read about it and .....
(husband) has been trying to find mine or over 20
years! Dave, the article in the last issue did it. He
has been on the correct spot all these years, but has
been giving it the same "light touch" that he uses on
my clitoris. Gad, since receiving the newsletter,
(husband) has been massaging my "G" very firmly and
has me popping my cookies repeatedly for 30 or 40
minutes every night. I'm multi-orgasmic with clitoris
stimulation, but "Katy Bar the Door" - nothing like
those "G" spot highs. Getting me so turned on with my
"G" has done wonders for (husband). He is servicing me
like some 20 year old Gigolo. Thank you, Thank you,
Thank you,"
Some Women Experience
PAIN With G spot Stimulation
From a public post
on alt.sex.wizards:
I am very involved
in support group activity with two groups trying to
meet the very profound needs of people with a painful
syndrome called Interstitial Cystitis and it's
"sister" Vulvodynia (an elegant Greek word for vulvar
pain).
Both conditions have
a rather full spectrum of symptoms but both also are
very often manifested by something called "urethral
syndrome". It is a "waste basket" diagnosis in some
medical textbooks and far too often women have been
told they are in pain there mostly because they are
essentially neurotic or have something like
Munchausen's Syndrome. FINALLY, a paper was published
this last May '96 in the Journal of Western Medicine
suggesting that the female Urethral Syndrome is really
a case of your garden variety prostatitis for women.
The paraurethral glands that surround the urethra are
positioned just posterior and on both sides of the
urethra and the first symptomatic clue the authors
(Dr. Ruben Gittes -- a BIG name in urologic research,
and Dr. Robert M. Nakemure) a health provider should
twick to is pain on the anterior wall of the vagina.
BTW, these glands are known or certainly broadly
suspected to "ejaculate" upon orgasm and function as
mild lubricators for the urethra at all other times.
They can be measured for PSA just like those fairly
new tests conducted on men to evaluate for cancer. In
time, if these glands stay infected for a long time by
as yet undetermined bugs (culturing is apparently
difficult), they can get clogged up and chronically
inflamed causing much pain in the whole pudendal area.
On the other hand,
in a healthy women, they in all likelihood are part of
the pleasurable response similarly noted by men in the
region of their own prostates -- hence the "G" spot.
It's there, it exists and yes, talk to your partner
and see if it works for her. If she has pain there, by
all means she should get to a physician and have this
other thing evaluated. Be mindful that she/he might
not be familiar with it and fall back on the old
"neurotic" diagnosis.
Another Women Describes
PLEASURE From Ejaculation
From a discussion on
Society for Human Sexuality mailing list on Female
Ejaculation:
For me, the orgasms
that I ejaculate with are always more intense, and
almost an altered state. And as seems to be the case
with (other women) , it is also true for me that it
takes a long time, but for me it usually takes several
orgasms to build up to it and it is always (to date
anyway) associated with a g-spot orgasm. Or I should
say a series of them, or even coming to the peak
several times first and then coming, and then by about
the third (?) time actually coming it will be this
amazingly wonderful orgasm.
Another women said:
One women was an
"occasional ejaculator". She's the best reason I have
to believe that the ejaculate is not simply urine. The
times when she would noticeably ejaculate were after
long periods of heightened arousal without orgasm.
Most of the time she would cum quickly and frequently,
but once in a while we would both delight in having me
torment her orally, digitally and sometimes with
fisting as well. If she could hold off for long enough
(45 minutes or more) she would have an incredibly
intense orgasm accompanied by ejaculation. The fluid
issued was watery, but thicker than urine and had very
little similarity in smell and taste to urine
(shrugs).
A Tribute To Sam And
His Ability to Love: A Computer Board Discussion on
the G spot
12/30/93 From
"Aspen" (Reprinted with permission):
"The g spot within a
woman is most definitely the highest experience, the
most sensual and reactive spot! My friend...best
friend....and lover...shared with me the
knowledge...and then shared the experience...and I FLY
with it...to it and beyond it!! To try and define the
feel is impossible...I had a crude and rude sexual
relationship with past husband...never knowing orgasm,
only force/rape/pillage.. that was it. After 12 years
of celibacy I met HIM. My love's ex's have even asked
him to hold seminars for their current lovers on the g
spot. For once knowing..it will be sorely missed.
I have talked with,
in human sexuality classes, may women who know it. And
sadly no men, until my love....it is a secret
spot...awaiting discovery. It is physically there and
will take your lady higher than you can imagine and
you as well...for the flight is fun to watch, so I am
repeatedly told."
From CBSI (male):
"I think, one time I
located this spot and it was unnerving what it did to
my partner. It took her to new heights and she refused
to admit she could obtain. She liked to hate sex. She
also was afraid to let go. However, she could not hide
her elation and total satisfaction."
From Aspen After
Dave explained the anatomy of the G-spot:
"Thank you for your
information. You shared more effectively than I could
have, academically that the G- spot exists. Since I
posted the first note, I have talked with 14
women...all have experienced it...know it...and want
it as part of their sexual experience...for the men
they share sex with, many are unaware of even the
name...think it is a silly woman word...one even told
a lady that she was attempting to control him with
nonsense...go figure! Of the 14 women who
knew/experienced the G...5 are aware and therefore,
their lovemaking, making love, is enhanced and of a
level beyond what the men or women had known before.
Personally, the
sensation is beyond...it is over and under and above
and below and in and out and on and on...the issue of
ejaculation...is a reality...I know this
personally...my first experience with it...a kind and
gentle, explaining, forewarning, and a gentle
holding...me a 40 year old novice in many things..he
gently took me there..it was the most overpowering,
overwhelming feeling...and it filled...me..my heart,
soul, body..I was boiling..hot..HOT and so aware. I
felt..as I felt the dust of Selma, the tease of apple
orchards, saw the twinkle of stars on a calm sea,
heard the call of Vikings, and the battle cry of
Geronimo..all in a moment..that lasted beyond a
lifetime..the explosion is like standing on top of the
Sears tower and never touching the elevator button..it
is seeing yourself in his smile, his eyes, as they
cheer you to the finish line...It is HOT..it is
WET..as wet as an unexpected monsoon, as wet as the
underside of a lily's leaf, as wet as the happy tears
that I shed during and after each wonderful
experience. It is a child's smile and a pinch of tush...an
irate teacher hiding a smile for the impish child..it
is sex..raw..and heated..it is sex..calm and
loving...it is sex...shared and sharing..it is the
thrill of a lifetime, each time...everytime..it goes
higher each time..each time different..but each time
the same...it is the growl of an angry bear and the
purr of a tiny kitten..it is all these things and
more...it is the G spot..believe it, find it, share
it, value it and enjoy..."
1/4/94 From Aspen
After more discussion of technique etc:
"In my experience
with Sam...we have never approached lovemaking and
makinglove as a 'lets do it'...there is tenderness in
touch and words..we never 'go for the G' in
beginning...and sometimes not at all...other areas of
sensitive reactions/sharings may exclude the G or may
enhance it...the G is inclusive of the HOT of the
moment..which, many times, lasts for over 24
hours..yes...I am smiling..and so is he! That 24 hours
is inclusive of pauses..pauses to talk..to
kiss...softly, kiss hard and deeply, pauses to trace
fingers lightly across eyelids, hairline, back, and
legs..pauses to gaze lazily and/or intently into the
other's eyes... pauses to chat..different from
talking..giggles and tickles and sillys...you do not
lose the power of the HOT..you enhance it..perfect it
in sharing all the pauses..to trace gently the
lubie..on and in..pause to inhale the
other...oral...is wonderful...Castles Boutique has a
great selection of treasurers...for both partners
pause...enjoy...share...taste, and smile...know
yourself in knowing each other..know the other in the
strength of knowing yourself...
You ask for
technique..in my mind and in the heart I gave to Sam,
this is the technique...the magic...the G is magic,
but so are you...if you will relax and stroll...stroll
in the spirit of the experience.
Smiles to you and
all others reading this...I love the sharing and the
level of the conversation...it is an important
topic...for males and females today. Today I shared
all this discussion with hardcopy with Sam..he was
touched and agreed it is a lovely topic..a wonderful
way of sharing and caring...for what our US is..and
what yours can be."
1/4/94 From Aspen To
Kona asking questions:
The G...to reach, in
my case, is not reached by the penis, but by his
hand/finger...it is the touch that is fire..and the
gentle massaging of the G builds to excitement and
release beyond explanation...in my case, Sam says I am
more sensitive on the left...of the G...which he
explained as being similar to a grape, but grainy,
pebbly.
Size? as you
mentioned..the first inch to inch and a half are the
most sensitive and exciting area of the vagina, so
size matters not, knowledge, tenderness, sharing and
caring are the ingredients for wondrous loving and
climax...the myth that size counts...is a myth...and
discounted by most who know and enjoy true sexual
sharing. If size did matter, then I would again be
fortunate...but when thinking of Sam..I think of his
laffs, his touch, his amazing mind, and his body..as a
whole...not as parts of a whole."
The Sad Ending To
Aspen's Wonderful Sharing.
On March 4, 1994
tragically Sam suffered a massive heart attack while
doing what he was best at - sharing loving, exciting
intimacy. Aspen stayed by his side during the valiant
three-week struggle that followed his heart attack.
May what Sam and
Aspen shared benefit others in realizing the joy of
sharing and learning wonderful tender loving intimacy
combined with maximum physical sexual pleasure and as
a reminder that we need to value each day, each hour
and each relationship as well as to share meaningful
ideas with others.
Aspen's love did not
stop with Sam's death. She feels that responsibility
to share it even more with others in a way she could
have never done without knowing Sam.
From Aspen 3/14/94
on sexuality:
"To speak openly and
comfortably about his topic, I think both men and
women must be completely comfortable with their own
sexuality...to approach the topic as just one more
facet of life...a real and important part, a part that
includes, not excludes humor and vulnerabilities..is
one of the keys to open conversation. Before I
experienced the beauty and the dark of love and
loving, I felt little inclination to share my thots...indeed...I
suppressed those thots. After knowing complete
love..the laffs and the tears..I grew in my comfort
and understanding of my 'self'...inclusive of desire,
lust, and the ability to love and understand beyond
myself.
Women...have
experienced much deceit and manipulation in
conversations and the sharing of private thots. The
result is a pessimism that leads to little, often NO
interaction with males...While men and women both
experience this, men seem to be more resilient in the
comeback. To know one's sexuality lends a sureness and
ability to openly discuss these topics...not to
titillate but to keep the 'invigorate' of life."
From Aspen 12/29/94
private E-mail To Dave: (in response to me suggesting
I'd publish her story and delicately asking about
Sam's attack)
"A year ago today my
son and I were spending the day with Sam. It was a
special time, full of fun and those wonderfully
knowing looks exchanged as the expectation of an
evening alone built into a passion soon realized. I
smile, and want to cry, but the smile and the warmth
of what we shared pushes the smile forward and I
giggle, remembering the popsicles and fudge covered
banana...wonderful toys for hearty appetites!
The article sounds
wonderful! Please share whatever I shared in
public..or in private messages to you. I am PROUD! and
if I can warm even one moment for someone else, then
they will have known the magic of Sam.
Yes, Sam and I began
a wonderful morning of love, after a few short hours
of rest...we took a break for coffee and sweetrolls;
in the kitchen, touches led to a sly me leaving the
room, only to crawl in and under... a kiss, surprised,
he stood still, my mouth loving his penis...he was
spreading icing on a roll...food forgotten we returned
to the bedroom...after several hours, he pulled back
from orally loving me, and something felt odd...gray,
huge drops of perspiration....911, fireman, a flurry
of activity...his eyes still holding that special
twinkle as he responded to each query...'we were
making love!" 20 days later, he died..but he has never
left me. I hold his joy in all of me...and the toys we
shared keep him close to me nightly. Smiles!
Summary and Lesson For
All
Pardon the long
story...but it says much about the motivation to reach
out and share and help others experience love and life
to the fullest which is the motivation behind
Liberated Christians.
Dave, Liberated
Christians, Phoenix AZ Promoting Intimacy &
Women-Centered Loving Sexuality / Exposing False
Biblical Interpretations For Comprehensive Free Info
via E-mail request to
davephx@primenet.com
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